Saturday, 31 July 2010
Kos Town June 2010
It been a long time since my last entry and hopefully this is about to change. I have made my previous Blogs entries sanitary and politically correct but that is about to change. From now on I will tell it how I see it, warts and all but I will not name names, the people I am talking about only they will know who they are.
Severe pain is debilitating, it takes over your life, it dominates you, it can rule your life if you let it. I have been fighting this pain for 15 plus years now and I am struggling. I also have a bladder problem, I am profoundly deaf and have had a fight with depression for many more years than I care to remember and yes I have attempted suicide a few times. This is me and at times I do not like me.
My three years at University were not easy especially from January 2008 when my world fell apart with a myriad of illnesses, and I am still fighting trying to keep myself together. One of the hardest problems at University was that I became totally stone deaf in my right ear (I was already 60% deaf in my left), most people accepted I had a problem, one tutor made my life hell because despite being told, refused to face me when talking and I misheard many many instruction and so wasted a lot of time and energy doing things that were not right. Most of the tutors were lovely but this one made my life hell, why are some people like this???
Despite all I graduated on the 29th October 2009 and it was a very proud moment when I went up on the stage to shake the hand of the Vice Chancellor to collect my 2.1 BA (hons) Interactive Multimedia Design degree. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get a 2.1. A few of my fellow students were hell bent on getting a first or a 2.1 but it never bothered me, I tried to do the work the best I could with the instructions I was given, sometimes it worked, sometimes didn’t. But on the whole I enjoyed what I was doing and I like to think I made a lot of friends at Uni.
Since then the pain has gotten worse, exponentially so, and so today I have stopped talking to my old friends, I have just shut myself off hiding in this pain I am experiencing. To these friends I am so sorry, it is hard to think when I am like this and if I have offended then I am so sorry.
I am trying to get myself sorted, trying to get my life together, but it’s so hard when there is so much pain. It gets to the stage where you don’t know where to start to try to have a quality of life.
I started at DDF (Denbighshire Disability Forum) in November 2009 with the idea of helping myself get back into work. I was under contract with a firm call Agoriad and initially had a 30 day placement with DDF but this was extended and now, some 8 months later, am a volunteer with the organisation. I am thoroughly enjoying my time there I work two days a week, helping out where and when I can. Most of the people that come through DDF have little or no experience of computers and its nice to have the buzz that I am doing my bit to help. DDF main role is to help people who are experiencing problems with disability and hopefully to point them in the right direction so we can help, sometime we can, sometimes we can’t, but I think we do our best. The staff and the other volunteers are a lovely bunch and I think we get on well with one another, all I know is, I am enjoying my time there, it gets me out the house for a couple of days a week and its helping me tot to go ga ga.
